In 1987 went back home to South Africa after been away for about four years. Had been working in a factory in Fredrikstad my girlfriend was pregnant and I needed to get away. Asked my grandmother if she could help me with some money if I came home, funds were low and I’d scraped enough to get a flight down, a one way ticket. Wasn’t planning on returning to Norway.
Everything about my life was a mess. My grandmother got so angry with me when I told her there was a baby on the way and that I was running away from it all. The worst thing is that I couldn’t stand being with my girlfriend and that she got knocked up at the wrong time. It was a relationship built on desperation not love, I was lonely and messed up.
Nan (grandmother) bought me a ticket back to Norway, saying that I had to take responsibility for the child.
But before I left we had a garden party with the family. Mom and Jack were there and a few friends, there was a lot to drink and after a while when the talk got louder and everyone happy, I had to mess it up.
There was always a lot of unanswered questions and now I wanted some answers. Why were we abandoned, why all the secrets and lies? I got so angry with my mom and grandmother, that the evening ended up in a terrible fight.
The hatred within grew more intens, now I felt even more alone without an identity. Just needed to get back to Norway, where I felt more at home. Left South Africa never wanting to return or hear from any of them again.